How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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