Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
