where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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