ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
