I need help removing her.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
