I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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