Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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