We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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