somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize