"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My life is pants optional.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
