She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
that may or may not have been my penis.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
