everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
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My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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