I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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