who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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