At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
