im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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