Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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