everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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