walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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