It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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