I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
