i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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