He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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