Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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