im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
