the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
