Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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