Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
