i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
