You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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