I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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