You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
