Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
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we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
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Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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