My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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