Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
