can we get nightvision for the apartment?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
