I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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