You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
