I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
