What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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