he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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