I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
