TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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