franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
