dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
