I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
