addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think i got beer on your cat.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
