Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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