i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize