if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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