My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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