Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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