it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
