I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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