Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
