dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Please don't give away my fajitas
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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