pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
