that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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