Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
