Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
