I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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